I sinned today. Many times. The feeling of guilt wrapped around me. Tears flowing down my cheeks as I write..
I remeber the Lord on the tree, bleeding eternally for ….me.
I am such an ignorant human being.
As my hands begin to tremble, tears pouring, heart aching, i feel like punching a wall.
I long to go away..far away. Far from this place. I want to go yell at myself for my stupidity.
HOW AM I SO STUPID?
I know the consquences, yet I feel this way. I do the things I do, time and time again.
Oh Jesus, you bled and died and rose for me & now you’re sitting on your Heavenly throne…
I YELL FROM THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, JESUS I NEED YOU….now…
I’m sorry…sorry for who I was today and who I might be in the future.
Oh God, I hope I never go away from you..
I stepped away, thrown myself into a hole so deep, & now I’m writing..
Trying not to let anyone see my tears, ignoring my nephews questions, “Kris, are you oaky? Why are you crying?”
Just the fact of my realization I cry more & more..
Being alone, with no one, all my yourself..no joy, no happieness, no peace…no love..no nothing..
I am empty.
I’m away from the Lord, and I tell you, whoever reads this..it’s the worst feeling ever. Don’t get yourself into it.
Nothing can compare or take the bad feelings away, but Jesus.
Lord I pray to you! Heal my heart! Forgive my soul! I have nothing to live for Jesus..if I don’t have you..
I am nothing..
Then i go to my closet and pour out my heart to my King..
I feel empty. & I know why.
I need to ask for forgiveness from the one i sinned against..I call & ask forgivesness.
I am forgiven.
I go back to my closet praying in tounges, talking to God, yelling, crying, spirit upon me..
I ask for forgiveness from Jesus…I plead and beg Him…
I open the Bible to Ezekiel 16.
My eyes begin to blur and my eyesight seemed to disappear.
Before I knew it, I saw tears covering the very pages.
The pages that seemed to explain everything.
A joy comes upon me knowing the Lord has heard me.
I put on “You’re Beautiful, preformed by Michael Ketterer”.
I am forgiven for the second time.
OH JESUS…How great you are…
“When we arrive at eternity’s shore, Where death is just a memory and tears are no more, We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring, Your bride will come together and we’ll sing You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful You’re beautiful.”